So yesterday as I sat outside of my lecture hall, waiting for the wonderful Sociology of the Family (which you may recall got me back on the good side of Ms. Sallie Mae), I came to a sad realization: Breath mints must be on the way to extinction.
I sit down in the hall about an hour before class starts. I figured "Ok, cool. I will get some reading or paperwork done. Maybe an email or two". Uh uh. That didn't happen. About 15 minutes after I sat down, a snotty nosed, fresh-outta-bed-looking, bushy haired, hot mess came strolling in. Now, I get it. She was obviously ill. After all, there can be no other explanation for walking out in public looking that way. Oh... that and the fact that as she sat down, she pulled out an entire roll of toilet paper and proceeded to use about a fourth of it almost immediately. (Someone needs to get her some Charmin Ultra. I mean really, less is more.). Not 30 seconds after this girl sits her bunda down, I realize something is terribly, terribly wrong. Now, keep in mind that she is about 8 feet away from me. Now, although it may not be drawn to scale, please see the amazing art talent demo below for a visual aid:
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| You can clearly see by this illustration that I (blue) was being attacked by this girl and her stankin' breath (green) |
Now that you have an idea of the visual space, you can better understand the terror I felt when from about 8 feet away... I WAS BOMBARDED BY HER STANKIN' HALITOSIS!!!! I am not even playing. I mean, this is no joking matter, people! This girl, from 8 feet away, was polluting my oxygenated air with her stank bref! I don't know if she has some virus or something and the side effect is rotten breath, or if she just did, in fact, roll out of bed, or even if she has some type of deficiency in her scent collection membranes or something... I honestly, don't care! Girl, ya bref stanks and it is bothering me!
I almost had to get up and move. It was that bad, people. My stomach was turning and I could barely even eat my delicious Nutrilite Cherry-Almond meal bar! I was getting light-headed and dizzy... I thought I may pass out.
Yes... I understand. She was sick and most likely could not breathe out of her nose. Shoot, after smelling her breath, I wish it was me whose nose wasn't working that day!
So, friends, if you happen to have stank breath either because of genetic issues, being sick, or forgetting to brush your teeth, I encourage you to try a new solution. It is relatively unknown and some people are still uneasy about this treatment. I promise it works. Go and try.... A BREATHMINT!!!! At least get a pack of gum or something!!
Seriously, I keep a pack of gum in every jacket and suit coat I own. In case of emergency, whether me personally or some soul nearby, I can pull out that minty freshness and not have to worry about gassing the people around me into extinction.
Wait, what's that? Ahhhhh!!! Lovely breath!
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