And the word is... Creep

So sit back for a moment and let me tell you a little story...

Tonight, I went out for dinner at a Mexican store. I know what you're thinking, "Oh... he means 'restaurant', right?" No. I mean store. It is seriously a little hole in the wall Mexican grocery store with a small eatery in the back. Delicioso! However good it was though, that isn't what my story is about...

After I left dinner, I decided to go to the mall. Granted, good ol' Fashion Square mall in Charlottesville, Virginia would never be my first choice, but I had to hang around the area and had a gift card. DUH! After I get some things in JCP, I decided to walk around for the last 15 minutes the mall was open. As I'm walking along, I look up to see this creepy, middle-age, ball cap wearing, mustache sporting, ginger smirking as he walked towards me. Just as we got about 5 or 6 feet from each other, he says "Oh hello..." Not wanting to be rude, I replied "Hello" with a polite smile as I continued by. Unfortunately, I was so concerned with being polite that I didn't give him the chance to finish. So, as I said my "Hello", I grimaced as he finished his thought "..., Handsome."

WHAAAT???? I almost fell over. I couldn't even turn around to shoot him a look or scoff at him. My brain froze and my feet kept walking... quicker.

Whew! I'm glad that is over. Unfortunately, that nasty baseball jersey, mom-jeans wearing, pale as baby powder ginger timed it just right and as I made my way back around the corner to leave - 15 minutes later mind you - he was also returning. Wonderful.

So as he walks past and undresses me with those beady little eyes, he chimes up. "So, what do you have going on?" I turn around, "I'm sorry?" After he repeats it, I told him I was just killing some time and hoped he had a good night. As I backed away (mind you we were about 8-10 feet apart) he says he couldn't hear me... AND STARTS TO MOVE CLOSER TO ME!!! I just calmly began to walk backwards as I repeated myself. He sped up. So did I. Then the question... the question. "So you wanna do something?" I couldn't help it... I caved... and by caved I mean I burst out laughing "Excuse me??" "You wanna do something?" I took so much pleasure in answering, "Nah, man. Nah." "You sure?" "*chuckles* Yyyeah man. Definitely not. Good luck with that though." "Aw are you s..." "Yeah. I'm sure". *End Scene*

I mean really??? Do people actually answer "Yes' to something like that?? I mean, to each his own, but that's just a bit much. I ain't easy, I ain't sleazy, and I sure as heck ain't going to say yes to a nasty, shady, baseball jersey, mom-jeans wearing, mustache sporting, pale as baby powder, smirking ginger in the mall asking me if I want to do something. Yes! I actually I DO want to do something... I want to run away from you as fast as I can!

Ew!

Since the video isn't working, I encourage you to click here for a great song, that is rather fitting!

Disclaimer: I have absolutely nothing against pale people, gingers, those who choose to wear mom jeans and/or baseball jerseys, middle-aged individuals, men, mustaches, beady eyes, or smirking. The problem comes when these things are all combined into one lump of nastiness looking to "do something".

And the word is... Mess

A few months back, I heard a song that was perfect for what I felt. Granted, the song is old and I had heard it once or twice before, but I had never listened to it. The lyrics are so strong on their own, but when coupled with my emotions and current state of pushing through and beating the negative in my life, they become indescribable. Instead of trying to describe the song, I thought you may prefer to listen to it....

So while this song is obviously about a break up, being replaced, and feeling slighted, I also like to apply the message to life in general. Yeah, we can all be that bitter, hurting person over a break up, but is that the only mess in life? What about when our car breaks down? When someone dies? The rent is here, but the money isn’t? We get sick? When the grocery store is out of 2% milk? You get the picture.

In life, there are so so many messes we have to deal with. It seems like there isn't a broom or vacuum large enough to clean it all away, to make it all disappear. Well, who says it has to? Why not... make something beautiful out of it?

Over the past several months, I have realized that through the messes in life, can come the most beautiful things. You see, we do not go through the hard times in life to be beaten down and crushed, to give up, or be defeated. No, the trials in life are not the end, but merely the beginning. Let me speak personally for a moment.

For me, the past few months of what I thought was the worst course of events, the burst blood vessels in my face and eyes from weeping, the weight lose from not eating, the shattered heart from losses of every kind, the low grades that I thought for sure would forever change my future... all these things and so many more "messes" have proven to be the most beautiful, beneficial thing to every happen to me. Sure, at the time I didn't know if I would live through it, but now my life is most amazing because of it. I have a deeper appreciation for my life, the lives of others, my love, the love from others, the sunny days and the pouring rains. I may have been at the lowest point in my life, but using that moment as a springboard, I have soared to a metaphorical high I have never known. It is only, though, because of that rock bottom springboard that I am where I am now. Figuratively, my life was a mess, now I am able to smile because of it, quite literally.

Just to give a visual representation of more of what I mean, I got some pictures of beautiful art work. This isn't just any art though. No, these expressions of beauty are made from trash, garbage... mess. So whether it be a home, a sculpture, photo, or dress, true beauty can, and does come from mess.

Your life shattering? Quick! Take a picture!

You're never to messy to praise...

Who knew M&M wrappers could be so beautiful?

Extra! Extra! There's beauty awaiting...

Even crushed cans can be used to build the walls of safety and joy

Pretty cool, huh? Who knew that trash and messes could yield such beauty? Oh, that's right, I did. How? Because I had to go through it first. It was only after going through those messes that I learned to appreciate them.

So you see a big mess ahead? No biggy. Just remember that sometimes the biggest smiles come from the biggest messes.....


If these kids can do it, can't we?



And the word is... Edit

So I got a little bored the other night and picked a random picture to have fun with. I think I decided that a couple times a week, I'll pick a random photo and just edit and see what happens and comes of it.

Here is the first:

See what happens when you get bored? Don't let yourself get to that point.

And the word is... Impetigo

...well, at least it is according to the doctors at UVA Student Health.

So about 10 days ago, I got a small blemish on my cheek. Eh, no big deal, I thought to myself. Well, then it got a little bigger and nastier, then turned really red and dry looking. I wasn't sure what was going on, but decided it was probably a break out of eczema. I used to have terrible bouts of eczema when I was a kid, and even though I never had it on my face, and haven't anywhere in years, figured it could happen and decided just to let it resolve itself.

Then, over the next couple of days, another spot came up and they started to grow. Here's a picture of what my face looked like a week ago (5-4-11):

As you may have guessed, I utilized a wonderful thing called make up to try to cover what I thought was just an irritated patch of dry skin. I also began using a daily moisturizer to help. Little did I know that was an awful thing to do.

It appears that as I spread the cream on my face, I was also spreading bacteria. So, you guessed it, more spots began to come up. It kept getting worse and worse. Today, I looked in the mirror and saw my face looking like this:

Pretty nasty, huh? I decided to go to Student Health and see if I could get an appointment to figure out why my face was melting off. The first med student to come in had no clue, so he grabbed the head RN. After her exam and a line of questions fit for a grand jury, she was also clueless. Off to get the head doctor. In just a few minutes I had two doctors standing there just looking at my face and shoulder, where another sore had developed. Now, I know, I know. I am so easy to look at, but it was still a bit weird to just sit there and be looked at so intensly.

They finally decided that I have Impetigo, a skin infection that is caused by either a staph or strep virus. Basically, somehow, somewhere, at sometime about 10-12 days ago, some viral critters found their way into a break in my skin and started to grow. Once the infection grew and spread, I looked like a leper, a zombie, a creature of death and melting faces, a nasty person. You get the picture (quite literally if you look above! BADUM PSSHHHH!!!!)

I've started an oral antibiotic to combat the staph virus and an ointment to knock out the strep cells. Hopefully in 2-3 days, I will see an improvement in the symptoms and appearance. However, it will take 2-3 weeks to heal fully. Until then, I can't shave, can't go to Myrtle Beach as planned, can't really touch too many people, can't do nothin! However, I do have to wash all my linens, toss my razors, get rid of the make-up I used... it just isn't good.

As I have two Finals tomorrow, I don't really have the time to go into details about Impetigo. So, if you want to read up on it, click here or here.

All you really need to know is that before long, my beautiful face will be back to being just that, no blisters, no sores, no scars. Until then, don't touch my face or you too will suffer the fate of Impetigo.

And the word is... Firsts

You are in luck! Why? Because today you get to read a list of some "firsts" I've done this week! By far not the most interesting of blogs, but I'm sure you'll still enjoy something about it.

Here we go... five firsts from the week:




I came out... officially
Okay, so it may have been a little anticlimatic, but it finally made its way into my blog. Within 45 minutes of posting, I had gotten so so much feedback, some good, some bad, but mostly good. Posting that blog may have been one of the best things I have done in quite some time. I can't wait to share some of the reactions with you all soon!

Um, it's my face
So, for the first time in I have no idea how long, I shaved...legit. I mean, a razor, shaving cream, the whole works. Even used a beaver hair brush to lather it on. Then, just to solidify the above 'first', wore make-up for the first time. No worries... nothing too crazy, just enough to smooth it out and cover a few spots. Here! Take a peek:


This is the pic I sent my mom for Mother's Day. All together now: "AWWW"
[see? not too much?]



Sake Bomb!
So, I am not a big fan of drinking, but tried my first sake bomb this week. "Sake, sake, bomb!" Yeah... more of the drinks end up on the table than anywhere else. Definitely not something I long to do any time soon, but it was fun to try something new!

It's automatic, baby.
Today, I had my first lesson in how to drive a manual car! I once had a lesson way back in the day, but now starts the real lessons. I am going to learn to drive stick, and be good at it! I didn't even stall out today! ....I also never went over 15mph soooooooo we'll see. Bring on lesson #2!

Starbucks x3

Thanks to a small fortune in Starbucks gift cards, I have decided it's okay to go a lot. However, how often is too often? For the first time, I was embarrassed to go into Starbucks this evening. Why? Because it was my third trip. Yes... I went to Starbucks three times in one day. Don't hate.

So there you have it... five firsts from this week! Nothing special, nothing amazing, nothing but five firsts. Eh, what can I say? I was too tired to think, but too awake not to blog!

And the word is... returned

...because I have returned, baby!! I'm back and better tha... hm... well, I'm back.

If you've missed my happy, witty, intriguing blog posts [what??], I'd encourage you to stop reading and come back at a later date.


You're still reading? Are you sure? It's your last chance to click that little red X in the upper right hand corner (or for you Mac people... that little red circle in the upper left). No? Okay, but you have been warned.


I'm writing this blog, metaphorically screaming from one of the lowest places I have ever been in my life. The past few weeks have seriously taken me to a deep, dark place to where I wouldn't sentence even my worst enemy. It is a place where, even the sunniest, warmest of days are cold and dreary. A place where the people I love the most, only bring about a pain in my soul. A place where, no matter how hard I try, I understand nothing, accomplish nothing, and feel nothing. Nothing but...nothingness. This is a place where, I just can't care about being strong, seeing any positives, and certainly not trying to fake a smile anymore. This place is wet. Not from the April showers, but from the floods of tears that flow from my eyes daily, hourly, almost constantly. Any energy that I can gather does not go toward moving forward, but only holding on for dear life to the place where I am. Holding on to something, anything, that will keep me from being swept away.

What has gotten me to this point? What is keeping me from completely giving up? How am I going to escape? If I only knew. Maybe we can figure it out.


I am here, not because of one single event in the recent or distant past, but because of an entire time period of my life. This period began when I was still a teenager, not sure exactly what was happening inside, but knowing enough to be scared. Then, as high school ended, and college began, fear became more a reality. I would have to face something I had long prayed would go away. I was able to, well I had convinced myself I was able to, hide certain aspects of my life.

A private battle, a personal war.

Then, just when you think you have a handle on life and its slippery trials, you get jerked back into reality. For me, that happened on Black Friday, 2009. More specifically, the following Monday when I was confronted, by a dear family member, about my private battle... which I had unknowingly made public. On that morning, my sister and older brother witnessed me kiss the man I had been secretly [maybe not-so-secretly] dating for about three months. No longer could I avoid the questions, suspicions, or assumptions, because they had been confirmed. I was not ready to confirm them, but as we all know, sometimes we don't get to make all of the decisions.

Unfortunately, the ripples this caused within my life are still affecting the glass pond I worked so hard to fabricate. For now, and the sake of this entry's length, I will not go into the details of the following reactions and more recent developments. Those are enough to warrant a separate entry. However, I will continue with the story of this time in my life...

Those specific months put such a strain on me mentally and physically that I began getting ill until I could no longer avoid the doctor. Yes.. I am a man... I avoid the doctor's office at all costs. I went for a visit because of intensifying health issues and after several tests and trips to specialists, the results were no good. Not only did they find that I had three blod-clotting disorders, high cholesterol, high blood pressure, and two femoral arteries in one leg, but a small, minor issue... my organs were shutting down. It  had never dawned on me that the stress of coming out, paired with being a full-time honors student, working 20-30 hours a week, and being president of three student organizations, may not be so good for my health. It was not until my doctor looked me in the eye and said that without a break, I would not live to see UVA in the fall, that something clicked. WHAT? I am 20 years old, about to transfer to one of the best universities available, and you tell me I could die? Much to my chagrin, I was forced to lay low and allow my body to recover. In addition, I began seeing a counselor to help me with my inner, mental struggles. Again, not going into too many details [for now], I will fast forward a bit.

Then comes UVA. I made it. I was finally here! I had a great first semester. As you all know, I got into an amazing a cappella group, continued to serve with Circle K International, made a crap ton of new friends, and got to be a part of so many memories. Then, another battle. Can you think back a few months to a tribute blog of mine?

Just days before Christmas, my beloved Granny passed on. As much joy and peace as I have knowing she is finally happy, I still miss her. I always will. And with the beginning of a new semester, never fully completed my grieving process. Then comes the hardest academic semester yet. With the dreaded Psychology Data Analysis and Research Methods as a requirement to graduate, I had to suck it up. Let me sum up the class for you: Statistics. Let's just say the last time I took a stats class, I had to take it twice... and still barely managed a C. I have never been prouder.

I digress.

But this semester held more than just challenging classes. In mid-February, my partner (by that point of about 2 years) and I ended our relationship. Out of respect for him, myself, and the bond we shared, I will not go into details about the split. It was at times dramatic, and others decent. It was at times easy, and others hard. But in the end, it happened. It, along with other happenings surrounding the split, proved to be one of the most difficult times of my life. Now, I know... people always say that. It truly was. Never has my heart hurt the way it has in the past few weeks. In just two weeks, I lost 15 pounds and fell into the darkest hole I could ever imagine. But.... AHH!!! A "BUT"!!!!!!

But here is where the story gets better. Now, I have been working on this blog for a week or two. No lie. I sit and write a little, and then can't write anymore because it is just too much. So, I am here now... and as I wrap up this entry, I do so with a smile.

Wait. A smile?

In the past couple of weeks, I have been enveloped by a spirit of love like I have never known. I have learned to set my pride aside and be a normal human being. My life cannot, and no longer will, revolve around anyone and everyone who is not Jason Elliott. No. My life is now mine. I love you all, but you have your own lives. Why should you get mine as well? I only get one, so I am going to make the best of it that I can.

Hmm... I get the feeling you are probably wondering if this entry will ever end. Yes... it will. I honestly never intended for this to be so long. It just seems the more I type, the more I feel the need to explain and elaborate. Well, good thing for us is that I will be back to blogging regularly and will be sure to clear up any question marks soon.

With that, and as I feel inspired, I want to leave you with a video clip that one of my most special friends sent me on one of my worst days. I can't even say anything about how awesome this song and its message are. So please, enjoy, and remember that [in the words of some amazing guy's 'Word of the Day' on Facebook] -- You may feel like aluminum, but it is time to live your life like you're golden!!!

I can't thank you enough for reading this and still being here for me after months of being away. I have dearly missed blogging, both for you and myself, and cannot wait to get back to it! And now, everything is out there. No longer am I hiding me, my life. So with that, I send my love and appreciation and look forward to cranking out some blogs to make up for lost time! ....and I promise they will be much better than this one...

<3