Tonight, I went out for dinner at a Mexican store. I know what you're thinking, "Oh... he means 'restaurant', right?" No. I mean store. It is seriously a little hole in the wall Mexican grocery store with a small eatery in the back. Delicioso! However good it was though, that isn't what my story is about...
After I left dinner, I decided to go to the mall. Granted, good ol' Fashion Square mall in Charlottesville, Virginia would never be my first choice, but I had to hang around the area and had a gift card. DUH! After I get some things in JCP, I decided to walk around for the last 15 minutes the mall was open. As I'm walking along, I look up to see this creepy, middle-age, ball cap wearing, mustache sporting, ginger smirking as he walked towards me. Just as we got about 5 or 6 feet from each other, he says "Oh hello..." Not wanting to be rude, I replied "Hello" with a polite smile as I continued by. Unfortunately, I was so concerned with being polite that I didn't give him the chance to finish. So, as I said my "Hello", I grimaced as he finished his thought "..., Handsome."
WHAAAT???? I almost fell over. I couldn't even turn around to shoot him a look or scoff at him. My brain froze and my feet kept walking... quicker.
Whew! I'm glad that is over. Unfortunately, that nasty baseball jersey, mom-jeans wearing, pale as baby powder ginger timed it just right and as I made my way back around the corner to leave - 15 minutes later mind you - he was also returning. Wonderful.
So as he walks past and undresses me with those beady little eyes, he chimes up. "So, what do you have going on?" I turn around, "I'm sorry?" After he repeats it, I told him I was just killing some time and hoped he had a good night. As I backed away (mind you we were about 8-10 feet apart) he says he couldn't hear me... AND STARTS TO MOVE CLOSER TO ME!!! I just calmly began to walk backwards as I repeated myself. He sped up. So did I. Then the question... the question. "So you wanna do something?" I couldn't help it... I caved... and by caved I mean I burst out laughing "Excuse me??" "You wanna do something?" I took so much pleasure in answering, "Nah, man. Nah." "You sure?" "*chuckles* Yyyeah man. Definitely not. Good luck with that though." "Aw are you s..." "Yeah. I'm sure". *End Scene*
I mean really??? Do people actually answer "Yes' to something like that?? I mean, to each his own, but that's just a bit much. I ain't easy, I ain't sleazy, and I sure as heck ain't going to say yes to a nasty, shady, baseball jersey, mom-jeans wearing, mustache sporting, pale as baby powder, smirking ginger in the mall asking me if I want to do something. Yes! I actually I DO want to do something... I want to run away from you as fast as I can!
Ew!
Since the video isn't working, I encourage you to click here for a great song, that is rather fitting!
Disclaimer: I have absolutely nothing against pale people, gingers, those who choose to wear mom jeans and/or baseball jerseys, middle-aged individuals, men, mustaches, beady eyes, or smirking. The problem comes when these things are all combined into one lump of nastiness looking to "do something".
This WOULD happen to you, man. Song is excellently à propos.
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