And the word is... sabbatical

So if you've just added me on facebook (which I know you have because I am SO popular) you will just have to wait. Why? Because I am swearing off the social networking site until further notice. No, I'm not doing it for religious reasons. No, it isn't a political statement. It is just me.

Recently, in the past few weeks, my life has become a little more complicated, a little more confusing, and a lot more stressful. I used to be on facebook to look at all the good news in my "friend's" lives. I have since come to the realization that there is more negativity on my newsfeed than things I need in my life. Why put myself through that?

Additionally, if my parents' generation -- heck! even older members of my own -- could maintain friendships and a good life without facebook, why can't I? I spend hours upon hours mixed into the thousands of students at UVA, residents of Charlottesville, and people everywhere. Why does my field of contact have to be narrowed down to 1,200-something online profiles?

Not only that, but in the past few weeks, I have just plain been going through some changes. From outlooks, to introspections, food preferences, to healthiness, to clothing styles, to... well, now my online activity. Why shouldn't I take a break? I have enough on my plate as it is... so why stress over what pictures people are posting, the crazy comments on friends' profiles, or the latest surveys to be popular? It just isn't worth it right now.

For too long, too much of mine, my computer's, and my phone's battery has been dedicated to facebook. No more.

So for now, you will have to delve into the dark ages with me... relatively speaking. From here on until who knows when, it's my blog, email, and telephone.

Seriously, I think we could all use a breath of fresh, non-facebook air.

And the word is... Ticket

No. Not a concert ticket.
No. Not a plane ticket. No.
Not even a dry-cleaning ticket.

No. A parking ticket.


It may be a terrifyingly warm, sunny, beautiful February day, but some Charlottesville police officer wanted to make it a little less happy for me. How? By giving me a ticket. Now, everyone gets tickets in their life. Everyone also feels they are bogus in the first place. I know I do! But this, THIS, ticket is ridiculous.

Let me explain why:

Reason 1: It is a parking ticket and everyone knows parking tickets are lame. Really, unless you are parked in front of a fire station or the Emergency Room doors or the exit ramp of Interstate, you really can't hurt anyone. Sure, maybe your car will be damaged, but that's your own fault!

Reason 2: I was barely in a "No Parking" zone. By that, I mean about 24 inches. Think I am falling prey to exaggeration? Take a look at the picture below.



Reason 3: IT WAS IN FRONT OF MY OWN HOUSE!!!!!! With 6 drivers living in one home, there just isn’t enough room for everyone to park in one driveway. So, we utilize the street. No problem as long as you park in the designated area, just big enough for four cars to snuggle together. Seeing how parallel parking is a dying art form, it is not surprising that people are dumb and leave over 1 foot, sometimes 2, in between their cars. When this happens, the space that could easily hold four normal sized cars, and 5 if they are compact vehicles, is not conducive to holding four or five cars without the last one covering a few inches of our side driveway. When it comes to random people parking there, it can be an issue for whoever is parked in our driveway. However, housemates are fine because they live here, we know how to contact them, and it is no problem to have them move.




Maybe this diagram will help...?



I am also curious as to how I can get a ticket for blocking not even 12 inches of a driveway used to hold an illegal car. This car has expired tags, a city inspection from 2005, and a state inspection from 2008 and who gets the ticket??

Welcome, citizens, to a money-hungry municipality.

Well, if that wasn't enough for you... here's why I am even more angry.

As I began typing this blog, a young woman pulls up and parks where? In front of my house, where it is actually illegal to park. Well, I'm a nice guy... so I gave her about 30 minutes... before I called the police... at 3:04pm (EST). Twenty-three minutes later, at 3:27pm, a police officer was parked in my driveway inspecting the scene of "an illegally parked silver SUV at the intersection of Nalle Street and 7 1/2 Street SW" as reported by yours truly. Luckily, to prove my point of how inconvenient this parking job was, a school bus and two vehicles were at a gridlock and couldn't move, as both streets are single-lane, one-way streets. Welp, that's all the proof I needed! Write 'er up, officer! Hm! Silly me expecting a police officer to do his job. About ten minutes later, at 3:38pm, the young woman walks out to her car, not knowing it had been inspected by a police officer, and drives away. Drives away.... WITHOUT A TICKET! Yes, folks, you read that correctly. The police officer left and did not write her a ticket! The woman was parked in a clearly illegal manner and still he refused to ticket her. My theory is that he saw her bogus handicap sticker hanging in the mirror and assumed that the vehicle belonged to a handicapped person. Well, if stupidity and unfair luck are handicaps, she deserved that sticker. Take a look at the evidence I am taking with me tomorrow when I file a complaint with the city:

Here is the officer in my driveway, about to leave after inspecting the scene of the crime

This may look familiar. My jeep was parked behind that dark red car.

Yes, my other driveway and the clear sign saying not to park there.



See that sign? It says "No Parking -->"



Hmmm it would seem as though she parked in between two "No Parking" signs, no?

Another angle



The woman pulling away... without a parking ticket



 

And the word is... Cookies

DING DONG!!!!!!!! 

Ohhhhh, that's right! It's GIRL SCOUT COOKIE TIME!!! Mmmm Mm MM! Now, I know that deciding which cookie can be very intimidating, but have no fear! I have the answer: buy one of every kind! Okay, I know that would be nice, but seriously, here are my picks...

Number 1: Samoas

I know there has been some debate over what to call these delicious little nuggets of cookie Heaven, but have no fear. If you simply tell your little lady saleswoman you want the best tasting cookie she sells, she will know you mean the ever-so-famous Samoas! To anyone who doesn't know what this cookie is, you may know it by its more politically-correct name of Caramel deLites. Eh, it may be PC, but does it really have the same ring to it? Who cares! Honestly, after your first taste of this sweet cookie covered in a special blend of toasted coconut and caramel drizzled with chocolate, you will understand why last year, I bought 8 extra boxes and put them in my freezer. Yes. I went out and found the last 8 boxes of Samoas in the 757 area and froze them. That way, I can have the best cookies at my birthday party. I can rub it in people's faces that I still have delicious Samoas to last me throughout the winter. Seriously, there is hardly anything better than a cup of extra hot chocolate with fluffy marshmallows and a plate of delicious, freshly unthawed Samoas on a snowy day! I mean, take a look and tell me this doesn't look amazing:

But it doesn't stop there. If you are anything like me, you love you some ice cream. Well, how can it get much better than Samoas Ice Cream?? Yeah... it can't.

I almost flipped out when I found this ice cream last year. Needless to say, I had a nice little stock pile going for a month or two after this jewel sold out.

When it comes to Girl Scout Cookies, when in doubt, buy the purple box!!

Number 2: Thin Mints

So technically, according to the nice people over at the Girl Scout's head office, Thin Mints are the most popular. For me, a mere second place. They are so absolutely delicious though that, like the Samoas, I like to stock up and keep a hefty supply ready. Who can resist a minty treat that isn't too sweet, yet is still good enough to make you feel a little guilty? Not me! This delectable mint chocolate cookie is smothered in a rich, dark chocolate coating that gives you the best of two worlds: Mint and Chocolate.

Looking for a new way to drink that hot chocolate? We've all tried dropping candy canes into the mix, but why settle for generic when you can have specialty? I guarantee you that next time you serve your guests a piping hot cup of Thin Mint Hot Chocolate, they won't soon forget. Just be prepared to be the permanent hot chocolateer.

We all live in a "Go Green" culture now, so why should it be any different when it comes to Girl Scout Cookies? Take the green initiative and grab the green box!

Number 3: Tagalongs

Not to be confused with the not-so-delicious Do-Si-Do's, the Tagalong cookie is a perfect choice for buyers of all types. Yes, all types. Even those of us with allergies to one of the key ingredients. Fellow sufferers of peanut allergies, I urge you to suck it up and eat some Tagalongs! Seriously, at least if you go, you'll die just having eaten the third best Girl Scout Cookie ever made. This cookie is layered with fluffy peanut butter and then covered in chocolate. Peanut Butter and Chocolate. Peanut Butter. Chocolate. Peanut Butter. Chocolate. Cookies!

Not a fan of eating these cookies by themselves? Then take a cue from some of the hundreds of recipes that call for Tagalongs! Cheesecakes, tortes, pies, Bundt cakes, cupcakes, brownies... pretty much any recipe that calls for peanut butter and chocolate can use a few Tagalongs! Why settle for normal, when you can Girl Scout-ize it!

The only time you should be seeing red is when you buy your red box of Tagalongs!

 ***

So, there they are. My top three picks when it comes to Girl Scout Cookies. But hey, why settle for one? Like I said, just go with all three! When you're helping such a noble cause, you can spend a little more and eat a little more, and still feel good about yourself. Go! Order your Girl Scout Cookies today before they are all sold out!!

And just a side note: I would like to remind you all that I am a broke, homesick, hungry University student. Should you feel the urge to love me, help me, or cheer me up, feel free to send me a box or two... or three... or a dozen! Seriously. You know what my three favorite flavors are now. You have no excuses not to send me some Girl Scout Cookies this year!

Please go to http://www.girlscoutcookies.org/ and order those cookies today!

And the word is... Moo

You've heard the saying "When pigs fly", but what about "When cows ride the trolley"? I think it should be a thing. We can use it to represesnt something that doesn't happen often, but still can - unlike pigs flying which will happen even less.

Luckily for you folks, I have incredible luck and actually got a picture of this phenomenon of trolley-riding cows.


On December 17, 2010, after a long and intensive day of final exams, I hopped on the trolley to get home and rest. Nothing special, right? Right. Well, that is until I spotted the boarding bovine.

Yes, ladies and gents, a heffer walked right onto my trolley. I couldn't believe my eyes. I swear, when someone was taking up two seats, I heard her say, "Umm, excuse me, but you're taking up two seats. Could you mmmmMMMMMMMMOOOOOOOOOOve?"

I didn't get a sound recording, but you won't believe your eyes...



Oh wow... I just noticed her LV ("LV") bag.



I understand, some people like cow print things. And every once in a while you can get away with wearing them. Hats, bags, socks, maybe coats... but never more than one at a time. You can't see from this picture, but her coat was actually 3/4-length. Wow.

Oh... and she also was looking right at me while I stook this. Yikes!

Well, here is my awesome blog for today. Can anyone tell me why I'm craving a cheesburger for dinner now?

And the word is... Shadow

Do you remember how back when we were kids, we would have contests to see who could make the best animal with shadows? Or if you were really creative, you and your friends or siblings would put on entire puppet shows?

Well, a few weeks back, I was cleaning my room (yeah - I can't believe it either!) and, of course, listening to my Burlesque soundtrack. As I walked across the room, I realized the sun was in the perfect spot to cast a shadow on the closet doors. How could I pass this up?? I grabbed my camera and just danced. Nothing crazy, just a little improv to the music. I was so excited because I just knew it was going to be the next viral video to sweep the world off its feet. Well, not quite viral, but I did get over 100 views in the first two days! Yes... I'm lame. So what? I'm lame and I like to dance!

So I get this great idea that I will keep recording these improv shadow dances and post them on Youtube, Facebook, and -of course- my blog (so that my massive group of six... six... followers can enjoy them) in hopes someone would like it, smile, and pass it on. So the next day, at a slightly different time, I am ready. I have no clue what song to do, but I am ready. Not nearly as good, in my opinion, this was the outcome of dance number two:

So, I was riding high. I was going to be like Famos Amos... ya know- just not for cookies, but for shadow dancing. Then, when I went to upload my videos, I made the mistake of searching for other shadow dancers. POPthere went my bubble.
I came across a group called Pilobolus. Now, I am not going to post their videos, because they already have like 600,000+ views on every single video of them. I mean, I'm here to get views on my videos... not their videos. But still do feel free to look them up. I have never seen such an amazing act in my life. Anything from trees to elephants to dogs to the Statue of Liberty to penguins and even Conan O'Brien's face! This group is amazing. As amazing as they are, they stole my dream. And you know what else? Who told Mother Nature to keep doing what she does? I mean c'mon, Mother, I wanted to record myself dancing with your son, Sun, but you just keep making the earth spin. Well, thanks, Mother. Thank you so very freakin' much. After only two days, the sun no longer shined into my house. You know what that means? No more shadow dancing until next January.

Well, you, Mother Nature, and all my dedicated followers just hang on tight because I will record more of these gems. I'm just looking for the right flood light and a big white sheet. So just wait... oh you just wait!



Sometimes old things are the best. Here's an old instruction guide to some cool shadow animals!



And the word is... Slideshow

It is such a bitter-sweet announcement to say that Granny's tribute slideshow is finally online. Please take 5 minutes and 48 seconds and share in some of the memories of my Granny, Anna Pardue Castellow.

A picture is worth a thousand words, they say. That would make this slideshow worth over 50,000.

I have to say, that doesn't even come close to their worth.

Love you and miss you, ya cracked kid!

And the word is... Halitosis

Girl, ya bref stank!

So yesterday as I sat outside of my lecture hall, waiting for the wonderful Sociology of the Family (which you may recall got me back on the good side of Ms. Sallie Mae), I came to a sad realization: Breath mints must be on the way to extinction.

I sit down in the hall about an hour before class starts. I figured "Ok, cool. I will get some reading or paperwork done. Maybe an email or two". Uh uh. That didn't happen. About 15 minutes after I sat down, a snotty nosed, fresh-outta-bed-looking, bushy haired, hot mess came strolling in. Now, I get it. She was obviously ill. After all, there can be no other explanation for walking out in public looking that way. Oh... that and the fact that as she sat down, she pulled out an entire roll of toilet paper and proceeded to use about a fourth of it almost immediately. (Someone needs to get her some Charmin Ultra. I mean really, less is more.). Not 30 seconds after this girl sits her bunda down, I realize something is terribly, terribly wrong. Now, keep in mind that she is about 8 feet away from me. Now, although it may not be drawn to scale, please see the amazing art talent demo below for a visual aid:





You can clearly see by this illustration that I (blue) was being attacked by this girl and her stankin' breath (green)



Now that you have an idea of the visual space, you can better understand the terror I felt when from about 8 feet away... I WAS BOMBARDED BY HER STANKIN' HALITOSIS!!!! I am not even playing. I mean, this is no joking matter, people! This girl, from 8 feet away, was polluting my oxygenated air with her stank bref! I don't know if she has some virus or something and the side effect is rotten breath, or if she just did, in fact, roll out of bed, or even if she has some type of deficiency in her scent collection membranes or something... I honestly, don't care! Girl, ya bref stanks and it is bothering me!

I almost had to get up and move. It was that bad, people. My stomach was turning and I could barely even eat my delicious Nutrilite Cherry-Almond meal bar! I was getting light-headed and dizzy... I thought I may pass out. 

Yes... I understand. She was sick and most likely could not breathe out of her nose. Shoot, after smelling her breath, I wish it was me whose nose wasn't working that day!

So, friends, if you happen to have stank breath either because of genetic issues, being sick, or forgetting to brush your teeth, I encourage you to try a new solution. It is relatively unknown and some people are still uneasy about this treatment. I promise it works. Go and try.... A BREATHMINT!!!! At least get a pack of gum or something!!

Seriously, I keep a pack of gum in every jacket and suit coat I own. In case of emergency, whether me personally or some soul nearby, I can pull out that minty freshness and not have to worry about gassing the people around me into extinction.

Wait, what's that? Ahhhhh!!! Lovely breath!